As you can see both pics are me. The painting on the left is me at my worst state after suffering Domestic Violence....the photo on the right is me about 4 years ago feeling my most BEAUTIFUL self (nostalgic much lol)
Without going into too much detail, 2010 I was held hostage in my home by first boyfriend at the time, Stabbed 5 times ( face x2, leg, arm & inner thigh) punches, and all the other physical emotional abuse that comes with it. (No I did not cheat & no it had nothing to do with me, hence the reason I’m still awaiting closure) However based on Victim Support reports my family and I pretty have a rough idea (out of respect I won’t go into that)
It was a challenging time, from refuge, police interviews, counselling, chipped tooth, damaged nerves even seeing the article on the net, psychiatrist reports you name it!
However I’ve never really had closure as to why he did it.....
I mean I have my reservations and speculations but until I hear it from the horses mouth all I can do is let go I guess?? And out of respect I don’t really want to get into the deeper side things.
So during that dark year of my life, I shutttt everyone out. But what I did do was paint..
I didn’t care for painting but my best pieces came out when I was pissed off and angry. Then it got to a point where I’d only paint when I was pissed off and angry hence the reason I hardly used to paint because I’m hardly down.
I was embarrassed that I only felt the urge to paint because I was pissed.
Anyway although 10 years has passed, and I still haven’t got my closure, I decided to paint it. It was a challenge because I don’t really speak on the situation and I was scared of what sort of feelings and emotions this would bring out. And I’ll be honest painting the scars took allllll the emotion out of me lol.
But they were also good emotions, like I’m here now, I’m happy, I’m living my dream. I have thick thighs and good edges lol
No but all jokes aside, I feel proud that I was able to paint such a dark picture. The picture is me. My life. My history. My story.
Now there’s no way on earth I’d ever post that in my house but it’s a sentimental piece to me in so many ways.
Domestic violence globally is so real.
ESPECIALLY DURING THIS PANDEMIC!
It’s so fucked to know how many people are suffering domestic violence across the world. They are so in love or frightened to speak up, scared of the consequences or even embarrassed and worst case don’t even make it. But I honestly feel speaking up is a start.
My next thing that is huge to me is the healing process... for me I found that harder than the incident itself, luckily I consider myself as a strong woman and I just shut myself out from the world. I purchased black blinds, black curtains, dark home furniture because it made me feel good and til this day I’m glad that’s all I did!
But now that I’m on my ART JOURNEY I’d really love to take it to the next level and focus on ART THERAPY.
I’m not saying that painting and drawing will solve everything but you’d be surprised how much hours go by once you’re in your zone just painting and being creative.
Painting can be refreshing, stressful, stress free, uplifting, calming you name it. And I’ll always revert back to ART bringing out different types of emotions you could never imagine.
And once you see the finished product you can say “I did that”.
Honestly I have a different experience for every painting that I’ve done. And for me doing portraits gets me angry on allll types of levels lol. One portrait I did, I couldn’t eat for 2 days because I had me so anxious but the finished piece was second to none.
Anyway I’m going to wrap this up by saying a few things.
Domestic violence for me has been huge although that was the only time of my life experiencing it, it’s something that’ll never fade Or leave my memory and I got the scars on my body as reminders.
I used to be called “scar face” because one of my scars is across my cheek
Domestic violence during lockdown has sky rocketed and that’s so heartbreaking man. But you know speaking up is a start. Seeking help is a start.
Don’t feel ashamed, own your scars they’re a part of who you now. Because like myself and many people I could have been too late (and this is the part this upsets me the most)
Being able to SHARE this story, PAINT this story means so much to me.
I’ve been thinking about doing a domestic violence/victim painting event, not to paint the traumatic pictures , but just to get a few females who’s suffered or suffering wether it be recently on in the past, to come and join me as we paint, share our stories in brief, paint what we’re feeling, paint a memory or even paint how bright your future will be. But I’m a little nervous lol but I feel it would be amazing.
However if I do decide which there’s a 80% chance I will, I’ll put the relevant information out or you can contact me privately and we can discuss.
Honestly guys Painting is bigger than paints on a canvas... ️
This is my closing of that chapter although I may NEVER find out why he did.
Another thing I’d say is NEVER give up on love... ️🏽
Ps I really enjoyed the painting the left side it look me a few hours, and the right side took me weeks I almost gave up!!
My daughter named this painting..... “GRUMPY&BEAUTIFUL” she’s 3 🥺